Wish You Were Here
by Gwen Kahill
Summary: Cas breaks down and tearily apologizes to Dean for letting him down, for everything he's done. Romance and a little fluff at the end. The song is "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd.


"_So…so you think you can tell…heaven from hell…_"

"Dean?"

With a small sigh, Dean opened one eye. "What, Cas?"

It was a sticky, hot summer day and Dean and Cas were reclining in the motel room with the half-functioning AC battering and whining in the background and the radio playing Dean's favourite station on full blast while Sam was out on a supply run. Dean lay on his back on his bed, head pillowed on his folded hands, legs crossed at the ankles. Cas sat at the coffee-stained, paper-littered desk, fingering the Impala's keys fretfully.

"Cas, what is it?" Dean sat up. Cas had been worrying him lately, what with his frequent trips to the motel parking lots (in which he did nothing but stand there and stare off into the space or the sky), his nervous fidgeting, and the halting and hesitating tone in which he sometimes spoke to Dean with.

"Well, I just…" Looking down, Cas let a breath out through his nose before lifting his head again and turning to look at Dean. "Dean…I need to apologize. No, don't interrupt me this time." He shot Dean, who had opened his mouth in protest, what he had hoped to be a scorching glare, but it was half-hearted.

Dean shut up and crossed his legs. Normally, he would've shot Cas down in a second with a short rant on how there was nothing to discuss and ended the conversation. But not this time. He could tell that Cas was distressed, and that he had been holding it in for a few days now. And he could tell that he had something important to say.

"Look…no matter what you say to me, I can tell I'm still not forgiven. At least not fully. I mean…I betrayed you and Sam-I can't even forgive myself for that. And I understand, I do. You know I do. But…" Cas dropped the car keys and looked down at his fidgeting feet. "But I don't like it. No, I can't stand it, and I won't. And...that's what I didn't understand. Under normal circumstances, I'd simply have attempted to win your trust back over the course of time. I don't know why I'm feeling the need to do this." He licked his lips.

Despite himself, the corner of Dean's mouth turned up in a little half-smile. "That's human emotion you're feeling there, Cas."

_No, it's more than that_, Cas thought to himself, squeezing his eyes shut. He chose not to say that out loud-he'd just mess everything up, like he always did. So he just kept talking, eyes carefully trained on the ground."I know there's nothing I can do that could compel you to forgive me completely, but I don't know how I can try to make it up to you without making things worse, and-"

That was the moment his voice broke. It was subtle, almost imperceptible, and with other people it wouldn't have been a big deal, but this was Cas, and it scared Dean. It scared him more than the all the times he'd thought Cas had died or the times Cas betrayed him.

"I just wish things could go back to how they were before, Dean," said Cas, voice rough and somewhat shaky.

Dean stared at him, all of a sudden feeling like he was going to cry himself, green eyes full of emotion, mainly concern and guilt.

_Did I do this?_ he wondered. _Did I, Dean Winchester, manage to make an angel cry?_ It occurred to him then that this was probably the most emotion he'd ever seen Cas display. And out of all the sentiments out there, it had to be pain. He suddenly felt his heart drop, realizing all the shit he'd put his best friend through, how many times he could've tried harder, how many times his multiple refusals to trust him had built up to the damaged person he saw now.

He swallowed and looked into Cas's imploring eyes. The fresh tears in them only enhanced their already alarming blueness. There was nothing Cas's eyes could be compared to, Dean realized. Any simile relating them to an ocean or the sky would be pointless, because nothing in this world held a candle to the unique hue of his eyes. He knew that those eyes didn't belong to Cas, not really, but only when he was wearing them did they look like a galaxy of azure blue you could stare into until you get so close, you fall in. Now, here they were, filled with drying tears and looking so sorry Dean wanted nothing but to hug him, hold him, and tell him he was sorry, too.

So, with nothing else to say, that was what he did.

They held on to each other, chins resting on each other's shoulders, eyes closed. Dean could feel Cas relaxing his tensed muscles and melting into the support of his arms.

"I'm sorry, too, Cas. I really am," Dean said, voice muffled by Cas's trench coat.

After a few seconds, they both let go but didn't stop touching. Cas looked up at Dean questioningly. Dean stared down at Cas, suddenly feeling an unexpected warmth he hadn't experienced in months flooding into his heart and swelling it. His cheeks grew heated and his lips tingled.

"_We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl…_"

The rattling of the air conditioner and the busy traffic outside seemed to fade into silence while the radio's music filled the air as they leaned in closer and closer to each other until their foreheads were touching.

Dean glanced down at Cas's pink lips, huffing nervous breaths onto his own lips. Smiling, he tipped Cas's chin up and kissed him, sliding his other hand around his waist.  
Slowly, shyly, Cas began to kiss back.

Although the kiss only lasted about two seconds, it felt like hours for both of them. When they broke apart, they stayed in that position, leaning on each other's foreheads, Dean's arms around Cas's waist with Cas's hands on his.

Until the sound of a beer bottle crashing to the floor startled them.

"Um..." Fumbling with the white grocery bags wrapped around both his wrists, a red-faced Sam hastily turned his back on the couple. "I, uh…I'll just…" 

_1 year later_

"Alright, you kids have fun," Sam teased, grabbing the car keys off the polished wooden table in the library of the bunker. "Don't do anything too bad."

Cas flushed, but Dean just rolled his eyes. "Just go, already. Oh, and remember not to double-park her, park her too close to another car, get any scratches on her…" He pelted the reminders after Sam's retreating back. "Finally," he muttered when the door slammed shut at last.

They hadn't actually planned anything special for their first anniversary. Cas hadn't even known that anniversaries were a thing. So they'd decided to simply kick Sam out, spend some time together, and see where that led.

Falling back onto his bed with a satisfied grunt, Dean turned his iPod on, plugged it into a speaker, and turned the volume knob clockwise until it was at the maximum.

"_Year after year, running after the same old ground…what have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here…_"

"Hey, it's our song!" he exclaimed, grinning up at Cas, who was still standing at his bedside. He patted the space next to him and inclined his head toward the spot. "C'mon, sit down."

"Our…song?" Cas asked, a little frown drawing his dark brows together. "I wasn't aware we-"

"Cas, it's the song that was playing when we first kissed," explained Dean, giving Cas his are-you-fucking-kidding-me look.

"Oh. I recall that now."

For a few minutes they laid there in near silence, listening to the song and counting each other's breaths. When it ended, Cas curled into Dean's side and smiled contentedly.

Feeling the smile against his skin, Dean laughed softly and wound his arm around his shoulders. "You're my angel, you know that?"

Cas blinked. "Then I suppose you're my human."

Dean just smiled and rested his head on Cas's, burying half of his face in his overgrown, sticky-up brown hair. With his free hand, he reached over to his iPod and pressed the rewind button.

"_So…so you think you can tell…heaven from hell…_"


End file.
